AYESHA RASCOE, HOST:
Today is Mother's Day, and we're celebrating all the mothers and mother figures in our lives. As a mom of three myself, I always say that being a mom requires you to give all of yourself, and then just a little bit more (laughter). But no matter how much we do, most of us ask ourselves the same questions over and over again - are we doing enough, are we making all of the right decisions? "Today" show co-host Sheinelle Jones hopes to change that. She has a new book out based on wisdom gathered from interviewing the mothers of some of the world's biggest stars, like NBA powerhouse Steph Curry and pop royalty Lady Gaga. Her book is titled "Through Mom's Eyes: Simple Wisdom For Mothers Who Raised Extraordinary Humans." And Sheinelle Jones joins us now. Welcome to the program.
SHEINELLE JONES: Hi. Happy Mother's Day.
RASCOE: Thank you. Same to you. Same to you. You know, you're such an accomplished journalist, and you have this amazing career. What made you want to do a book on motherhood?
JONES: You know, I heard a quote the other day, and it said something to the effect of you should take your truth and wrap your purpose around it and even luckier if you can wrap your career around it. And I feel like that's what I've tried to do over the years. You know, when I first got to the "Today" show back in, I think it was, like, 2014, I think I was trying to kind of find what is my place? What's my contribution to this platform? And, you know, I got to New York City with two triple strollers and two double strollers. I had 2-year-old...
RASCOE: Oh, my goodness.
JONES: Yeah. My twins were 2. My oldest was 5. I was waking up at 3:30 in the morning. It was a lot.
RASCOE: It's a lot.
JONES: And I remember different celebrities would come, and while everybody was looking at the celebrity, I was looking at the celebrity, thinking, what did their mother feed them? Why did they turn out so great, you know?
RASCOE: (Laughter) Yeah.
JONES: And so I decided to go for it and start interviewing the moms of people I admire. And maybe if I interviewed 20 or 30 women, maybe I could see some themes and apply it to my own life.
RASCOE: You know, some people may just look at that and go, OK, well, look, maybe they just hit the genetic lottery, and, like, they had...
JONES: Right, right.
RASCOE: ...These talented kids who were just going to be successful. In talking to these moms, did you find through lines in their stories about how to propel a child to really be the best that they can be?
JONES: Absolutely. Every single one of them had a story or a moment or a season that they remember. And they remember looking at their child thinking, you know what, if I lean into that child's talent, maybe there's a there there, and if it doesn't, no harm, no foul. But what I realized is by doing that, I think in some ways, it gave a lot of these young people purpose, and they were driven by themselves, their own grit. Lin-Manuel Miranda's mom, she remembers peeking in, and he was jumping on his bed, singing to a musical, and she said she remembered him being in a holiday concert and sitting out in the choir and watching him just be moved by the music. And so she leaned in to that talent.
RASCOE: So it seems like a lot of it's about paying attention, right?
JONES: Yes. Being present. And not only being present in the lives of your kids, but being present in our own lives.
RASCOE: That came up a lot, too.
JONES: Yeah, yeah.
RASCOE: This idea of, like, not losing yourself in motherhood. It's easy to say. But then, how do you find that balance between being fully present and devoted to your kids, but still having your own identity, and you're trying to balance everything, and then you forget something important, like take-your-kids-to-work day, which (laughter)...
JONES: Let me tell you something. I'm going to give you an...
RASCOE: ...Which I forgot (laughter).
JONES: I'm about to give you an exclusive. Can I tell you the truth about the day I found out I was a New York Times bestseller?
RASCOE: Yes. Yeah.
JONES: So we celebrated. There's a video on my Instagram. We're hugging and whatever.
RASCOE: Yes. Yeah. I saw it. Yeah.
JONES: Hours later, my little guy comes home from soccer practice so mad at me, in tears. I forgot to register him for soccer tryouts.
RASCOE: Oh, my gosh.
JONES: And he has been on that team since he was in - since he was 7 years old. He's 13.
RASCOE: Oh, my goodness.
JONES: I just - I forgot. I didn't even see the email. What should've been the - one of the biggest, like, days of my career, I spent my night emailing the coach...
RASCOE: Yeah. Yes.
JONES: ...Apologizing.
RASCOE: Yeah.
JONES: So it never ends.
RASCOE: Yeah.
JONES: So I would be crazy to sit here and tell you that I figured it out.
RASCOE: What do you think giving yourself grace in practice? What does that look like?
JONES: I try to keep the challenges in my head and not my heart. And so if it's something that I have to work out, I have to try not to absorb it into my chest, and it literally affects my body posture, my heart. My nervous system feels it. And so I try on things that aren't worth the nervous system shake. I try not to let it penetrate. You know, one mom said, I've never done this either. You know what I mean?
RASCOE: Yes, yes.
JONES: We're all just...
RASCOE: Yeah. We're all...
JONES: ...As my grandmother said, doing the best we can with the light we have to see by.
RASCOE: Yes, absolutely. Over the process of writing this book, you dealt with an unimaginable tragedy. Your husband died from brain cancer, and...
JONES: Even hearing you say that...
RASCOE: It's...
JONES: ...Is excruciating. I remember where I was when I look at this hot pink book with white flowers on the cover. Like, I remember being next to him in hospital rooms. I remember worrying that it would be too light. I knew I wanted to be a bit deeper, and I was trying to figure out how I was going to approach it. And then I got the biggest blow of my life. But I turned it - you know, when they say, turn your pain into purpose? It's really what I did.
RASCOE: Thinking about your story, I find it unimaginable, but then I remember my mother was married to my father. He died when I was 6. He was 36. They were in her - their 30s at the time. And she then married again and lost her second husband. And as you said, like, I don't think about - she didn't put any of that on me. So it's, like, I didn't really think about it and then...
JONES: You didn't absorb it.
RASCOE: And then I'm thinking like, how is this possible?
JONES: I'm so glad you mentioned that because even for me, writing this book made me have a greater appreciation for my mom. I didn't even think about the fact that my mom remarried.
RASCOE: Yeah.
JONES: And the man that she remarried, my stepfather, he was widowed. I never connected it until therapy, that I had been a part of a family who this had touched.
RASCOE: Well, I got to ask you, if I'm asking you for the wisdom of how you're raising the extraordinary human beings that you're raising, what would be your key piece of advice?
JONES: When I started writing this book, I was thinking, OK, I'm so tired of these goldfish in the back of my car seat, all in the...
RASCOE: Yeah.
JONES: ...Crevices of the seat.
RASCOE: Yeah.
JONES: And now it is, I'm so thankful that I had these little guys in the back seat, and I recognize that now they're teenagers and I have a few more holidays, and this has forced me to slow down in a way. I don't know if it ever would've happened. I hate that it had to be this way, but I'm a lot more intentional about my time with them and what I'm leaving in the world for them. I think the bigger questions about life and what really matters, I think that's kind of where my headspace is now because I have learned what really matters and how tomorrow is not promised.
RASCOE: That was "Today" show host and author of "Through Mom's Eyes," Sheinelle Jones. Thank you so much for speaking with us today.
JONES: Thank you.
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